Why We’re Here, Who We Are, and Why You’re About to Fall in Love With Us (No Homo)
In a few weeks, you’re going to come back to this website and want to kiss us. We’re certain of it. Ever kissed a dude before? In the near future, you’re going to want to in a non-gay way (unless you’re bi-sexual and then it will be in a gay way, not that there’s anything wrong with that). We’re not going to let you kiss us because we don’t like dudes, so you can give us a handshake or a high-five (as long as you didn’t masturbate before).
Why are you going to want to kiss us? Because we’re about to help you transform your life as a habitual masturbator into a habitual banger of hot chicks. Not that you care to hear details about our private lives but we aren’t ashamed (okay, we are ashamed) to mention our sex lives previously consisted of Internet porn sites, lotion, and a box of Kleenex. We’ll let you put the pieces together. Anyhow, now our sex lives involve hot women, our cocks, and…hot women. That’s a much better combination.
Put Down the Porn, Lotion, and Kleenex…
You’re done whacking it 3 times a day. Masturbation just isn’t the same thing as doing the women you masturbate to. We came up with a crazy idea to see how many hotties we could nail on hookup sites. Along the way, we became really freakin’ good at it. And now we’re sharing the secrets we picked up on throughout this journey. Wondering who we are? Here are our “bios”…
Brian: 26 years old. Ugly as hell. Lost his virginity at age 23 (lol). Likely habitual masturbator and Internet porn addict previously. Now he bangs 6’s and 7’s with regularity.
Mike: 35 years old. Hates marriage. Women rate him as a “6”. Addicted to video games. Lost his virginity at age 25 (double lol). Lived with his Mommy and Daddy until age 27 (seriously). Now he rejects 6’s and 7’s because he knows he can do better.
Billy: 21 years old. Lost his virginity during our review process. Still lives with Mommy and Daddy. Best looking guy in the group by far but had no idea how to use his looks to his advantage. Now women basically beg for his cock.
Impressive group of young whippersnappers, ey? If we can pull hot tail, there’s no way you CAN’T. So saddle up, bucko…you’re about to be transformed into a P-I-M-P!